The First Sentence Is The Hardest...

...and it sucks the most, but here it goes:

So, I guess, once again I try to gather myself and start writing after an entire month of putting the darn thing off. I will probably play the game of catching up in this post, as I still don't feel like writing, and have the feeling of nothing to say. Or maybe my mind is just simply too numb and too lazy to start thinking again? Yep, that is so, most likely.

photo via

Anyhow, September listened to my begging, and he was, indeed, pretty kind to me. Even though I still live unofficially in the dorm (so I should probably not be blogging about it, but hardly anyone reads this blog anyway), I do have a roof over my head and a proper bed under my butt every night, so technically I am not homeless. Yet, my rooming situation is as unstable as it can be, so I have spent the last six weeks nine months stressed out (and still counting). Let's hope my situation will finally be resolved in the next couple of weeks, and I can get rid of that sick up my butt at last. 

On work front things have most certainly got better, as  I have a number of new students now, I give about 12 lessons per week, plus I have a couple of private students as well. (But I could definitely take a few more. If you want me to teach you English, drop me a line. I'm the best teacher EVA! Seriously! I will charm you with my marvellous fake British accent right on the spot!) So at least I don't have to worry (too much) about money. Yet, life has started to resemble to some sort of a drudgery in which from Tuesday till Friday I get up in the morning worn-out, get ready and dressed, get my lessons done without taking any effort to make them the slightest bit more interesting or entertaining, go back to the dorm, have lunch, sleep in the afternoon or get stuck in front of the internet, I give a couple of more lessons in the afternoon if I have to, go straight back to the dorm, have dinner, then get stuck in our lounge/dining room and do nothing but hang out (meaning: sit and stare out of my numb mind) until about midnight when I finally climb back into bed. Fun routine, isn't it? Especially when my days are spiced up by unbearable migraines and insomnia.

Then on Friday, right after my lessons are done in the early afternoon I rush to Keleti, hop on the train, and come home. I have been home every single weekend in the last month and a half - a habit I had never had before. Since I don't teach on Mondays, I only go back to Budapest on Monday evening, but the only thing I have been doing on Mondays is getting on the train and going back to the dorm, therefore, Mondays have been completely omitted from my life recently. They have become a second Sunday of some sort when I really don't do anything useful. 

Anyway, my point is, that I have grown rather numb in this drudgery since early September. It feels like I have been hibernated, like my entire life has been put on hold.  But when will the on hold-mode end? When shall I de-hibernate myself? And how? I know I should gather myself, and start doing some things other than going to work, giving a few lessons, rushing home, and spending long hours in front of the bloody internet. What bothers me the most though, is that I have also developed a surfeit of words. What I mean is that I just cannot read. This is not the first time I am experiencing this, so I know this shall pass too, yet, it is so so annoying. It occurs when I had read too much in a short period of time,  when my mind puts out the sign of "Full up! Please wait patiently until there is some free space again." 

Nevertheless, I have an enormous "To Be Read" pile of books on my shelf, but I just cannot read them, I am fed up with words, lines, and lines, and endless lines of letters. I cannot get lost in them, there's no story that could grab my attention, that could entertain me, or simply capture me for even the shortest amount of time, for that matter. Hence I have to take all the fascinating volumes back to the library, all unread. Now, taking back books unread to the library is one of the saddest and most disappointing feelings I have ever experienced.

So, until I have the hunger for words again, I will only look at the pictures in the magazines, and read no articles or books; and, naturally, I have to find some other means of entertainment. Thank God the proper, real Autumn has finally arrived with its marvellous shades, colors, lights, crispiness, chilliness, and bright blue skies! Autumn is the season that inspires me and warms my soul the most. Isn't it just splendid? I hope it will help me find my way back to the old(er) me: the previous, less bored and boring, more fun, entertaining, and creative me.

Henceforth, I am going to try to live at least slightly larger and make my life a bit more fun, entertainment and culture-filled, because I miss the good old days of carpe diem, outside of the drudgery.