shut up. just write the damn thing already.

 oh, boy. have i been lazy this past week. i am trying to focus on writing, writing something every single day, scribbling down at least a couple of lines filled with some random thoughts of mine. mostly it's been some hungarian scribblings here, a couple of emails finally answered, long overdue.
no writing in english though, quite simply becasue i've been plain old lazy and escaping into the world of books and pointlessly surfing the endless oceans of the interwebs for hours every day. it's definitely high time i gathered myself though and came over my laziness. i most certainly need to disclipe myself and focus on being productive. not let time slip through my fingers without any trace. things ought to go back to normal here on this little blog, with at least three or four entries posted every week. the regular posts - top ten tuesday, friday favorites, random thoughts, in my mailbox, and sunday evening - shall also be back and appear as they are expected.

since i wrote this last post on new year's eve, not much has been going on, except that i overcame my holiday blues and bid it a not at all painful goodbye as the clock stroke midnight on new year's eve. i have also managed to escape from the influence of SZJG, and put the book behind me completely more or less. nevertheless, i am most certainly affected by it in a thousand different ways. as of december 31st, i quit my temporary job at the insurance company i had been working at for the past 3 months, so when january 2nd, the first work day after the holidays, rolled around, the new year found me jobless, technically. nevertheless, i had already found a new job, a way more suitable, interesting, and better paying one, which i had been trained and hired for previously, but the contract had not been drawn yet. my new employer had promised back in december that once the contract was ready to be signed, they would call me some time early january. so, i had nothing else to do in the first week of january than sit around, wait for the call, and enjoy these few more extra days i got after the holidays. 

i've surely been enjoying them, not being productive at all, just hanging around, surfing the net (and getting stuck in front of the bloody computer... damn you internet, and my never ending curiousity!), scribbling down all sorts of to do lists, reading a couple of books, going on some light hikes to the nearby hills and taking some pretty photos, redesigning both this and my hungarian blog, playing around with fonts (boy, do i love typography!), templates, and colours. i have also been trying to focus on writing, especially writing in hungarian. it's been one of my goals for the new year (more on that later in its own post), to read and write more, much more in hungarian. that is exactly why i have decided to bring back kapunyitási pánik into life, and making sure to write on a regular basis, looking for and finding something to write about every single day, even if it's only a couple of silly lines. and, hopefully, finding my own voice, my hungarian voice, in the meantime. i may even come across or dig up some stories that i can write about later.

as another big goal for 2013, i have decided to finally write this novel of mine - the story that has been lying around in the back of my mind for at least ten years, and some of the tale already figured out and written down in a notebook and printed on some plain copy paper, earthed deep in some long forgotten drawer of mine. in the last days of 2012 i unearthed that story, and started working on it. my original plan was to write a first draft in january - in nanowrimo fashion - writing 50 000 words in 30 days, without any kind of rewriting or editing in the meantime. this also entails writing about 5 pages per day. well, that was the original plan. needless to say, as of january 6th, i am already behind, way behind, schedule. but: i am working on it, figuring out all the many details and characteristics and ways of telling my story that need figuring out. i am determined to pen this story. it's highly unlikely that i'll finish the first draft in january, but i will not give up working on it. this shall be the primary project of the coming months. i must make it my primary project, no matter what, and not let my focus wander off into a thousand other directions as it usually does. 

and this is what my inner coach taylor has to say:

source: academiccoachtaylor.tumblr.com

 

so now, focus, andi, focus, and discipline yourself, like you've never done before. just write, day and night, live in the skin of your characters and never let them go. write it all out, write down the bones, write your heart out. stop wandering off into a thousand other directions. just write  the damn thing already.