word of the day

freak (out) definition

1. in.
   to panic; to lose control. :  I was so frightened, I thought I would freak.
2. n.
   a bad drug experience; a psychotic reaction to the drug LSD. (Drugs. Usually freak-out or freakout.) :  Some of them get turned off to drugs by a really good freakout.
3. n.
   a wild party of any type; any exciting happening. (Usually freak-out or freakout.) :  There is a big freak-out at Freddy's joint tonight.
4. n.
   a freaked (out)person. (Usually freak-out or freakout.) :  Some poor freak-out sat in the corner and  rocked.
   
   (source) 
   
   Oh, God, I hope I won't fail tomorrow. It would be so darn embarrassing. I wish it was over, already.
   

"There were days when she was very happy without knowing why. She was happy to be alive and breathing, when her whole being seemed to be one with the sunlight, the color, the odors, the luxuriant warmth of some perfect Southern day. She liked then to wander alone into strange and unfamiliar places. She discovered many a sunny, sleepy corner, fashioned to dream in. And she found it good to dream and to be alone and unmolested.
There were days when she was unhappy, she did not know why,—when it did not seem worth while to be glad or sorry, to be alive or dead; when life appeared to her like a grotesque pandemonium and humanity like worms struggling blindly toward inevitable annihilation. She could not work on such a day, nor weave fancies to stir her pulses and warm her blood." The Awakening by Kate Chopin

This is one of those annoying, unhappy days, when life seems so useless, so pointless. There's no direction. There's no point. No goal. Only annihilation.
I simply cant get no work done today. So annoying.
I sooo don't have time for such gruesome days.

(I love Awakening, though.)

Pain in the You-Know-Where

I wonder why jobsearch ALWAYS gives me a headache.
Why do I ALWAYS end up completely freaked out after a couple of hours spent with jobhunt? My mind goes completely blank, and all I see is this vaaaast blackness instead of a more-or-less successful future.
How on earth will I EVER find a proper job with the education I got?
Seriously, it's a complete and utter MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
And, I assume, it will not get easier once I have a degree under my belt.
Not even a tiny bit easier.
Will it?