children on duty

right after exploring the former pioneers' camp of csillebérc, i walked over to the station of the children's railway. well, without a break whatsoever, the walk down on memory lane continued as i purchased my ticket, hopped on one of the carriages of the charming little train, then rode through the hills of buda. i was still completely  mesmerized by the remains of the service of a formal era.

though with some adult supervision, as its name suggests, the children's railway is operated by 10-14 year old children, who, prior to entering service, go through notable training, are obliged to take and pass exams, and thus take their jobs rather seriously. after all, this is quite a serious - but nevertheless so much fun! - game. you would have to be practically blind not to notice how much these children enjoy and admire being railroaders, and hence take not only the rules and their duties seriously, but they are also completely sure of their very own importance in the system. (which, by the way is very cute, even though a few of the boys seemed quite obnoxious. i guess a bit too much power went into their heads.) still, the thin little (about) twelve year old girl who validated my ticket was awfully cute with her disheveled hair, stick-thin legs, dusty white stocking, and uniform two sizes too large. although at times a bit insecure and forgotten of her role, it was so obvious that she was completely in love with her job. the ride itself to hűvösvölgy was fun too, with all the soc-real style stations, the unmistakable scent of the old trains, and the sound of pounding under feet as we rode through the chilly and ever so green woods of the buda hills.

walking down on other people's memory lane

another thing i wanted to try out before leaving budapest was the children's railway among the rolling hills of buda. i can't quite remember where the original idea came from, but i know i wrote about the rise of popularity of children's railway in the magazine, and thought it was something quite unique and worth trying out. and boy, was i right!

up against the wall on a tuesday morning

i knew there would be days like this. when nothing went well, when things got worse by the hour, and the worst was yet to come. when there was no more procrastination, putting things off with just one more day, and i had to hand myself over to the bloody hungarian bureaucracy. when i would be humiliated and mortified, broken to pieces, and felt like the stinkiest piece of shit. when it hit me again that attending university, taking courses for another four years was the most pointless thing i could ever have done.

was i actually worth more by that bloody certificate? did i deserve better by it? did i earn anything with it? most certainly not. then what did i get out of it, apart from those few hundred books, second hand paperbacks with cracked spines and dog-ears? i was only more aware of my worthlessness. it did not make me more valuable, only more aware the lack thereof. it only put the ideas in my head, but never the strength to execute them. it felt like just an enormous waste of time, and a humongous waste of money. it made me boastful, opinionated and stuck-up, planted the feeling of superiority in me. the sense of being too high minded, too sharp, too clever, too wise, too educated for certain small-minded, inferior things. being better among the good, and differentiating among the identical. planted the idea of intellectualism and dreaming big, going far, but it never gave me the force to take the extra mile. never presented the chances i would have been too dull to take anyway.

i knew there would be days like this, when everything went wrong. when i felt like crap. when the humiliation and the injustice that was inflicted on me awoke the deepest anger, the starkest wrath, the most intense rage, the furiest of all furies in me. when i felt like smoking an entire pack of cigarettes, but didn't even manage to go through one, cause i hated the taste of it, and it made me feel nauseous. when i felt like shouting and screaming, crushing things and hitting the wall with clenched fist, hoping for broken bones and physical pain, but only tears were bubbling from the corner of my eye and fury was shaking my shoulders.

i knew there would be days like this. when my stomach turned into one giant rock, my chest was cracking under the weight, soul breaking into a million little pieces. when i would take tranquilizers three times a day to make the rock less massive and the sharp, broken pieces less painful. so is it how my days gonna be the rest of my life? ricocheting between an anxiety-ridden, distressed mind and a somewhat senseless and dead-pan state, numbed by tranquilizers?

i knew there would be days like this, going under water, not getting any air, chocking, suffocating, crushing under the distress and the pressure. but i really hoped these days would never come.

going under the ground

as i wanted to make my last week in budapest really count, and i had this long 'must see' list written up, i organized a rather busy and eventful last weekend - to take a complete advantage of the two whole free days i had on my hands. saturday afternoon i met a friend of mine, and we decided to hit and discover some of those parts of the under ground system of the city that we had not seen before.

the first stop was at deák square where the bkv museum is located - it is right next to the entrance of the metro (if you are coming from the final stop of trams 47-49). i would not say that it is a humongous museum with a whole lot to offer and entertainment for a whole afternoon, but it is definitely worth a visit, whether you live in the city or just visiting for a couple of days, especially since the tickets are surprisingly low, around 260 huf for students, and just over 300 huf for adults. the museum basically introduces the birth and construction of the underground railway system of budapest - you know, how the kis földalatti was laid out, built, then modified and rebuilt. there are numerous memorabilia exhibited, tickets, schedules, construction plans, advertisements, signs, posters, notifications, photos and pictures of the early stations and metro cars.

there are also actual metro cars and a cashier booth of the period exhibited as well, you know, with quite a different exterior design and wooden interiors, with dressed up wax dummies, and the advertisements of the period still on the interiors of the metro cars. when we were visiting, there was also another exhibition going on (it is still on until september 15) - the historical posters and notifications of bkv were also put out - you know, some of them were reprinted recently and placed on some of the vehicles of bkv. they were the ones advising against knitting, eating lángos or other stinky food on the buses. most of these posters were interesting, some really funny, they are real art pieces, for sure. all in all, bkv museum is definitely worth checking out, especially if you are waiting around for somebody in the area and don't know how to spend that free half an hour you have. by the way, bkv is also selling its old, not-used-anymore signs, bus plates, or whatever they are called, you know the signs they put by the windshield of the vehicle which show the destination of the bus or tram. they are surprisingly cheap (under a thousand huf), and there are still such curiosities as moszka tér signs.

the next place we visited was sziklakórház, the 'hospital in the rock' as they called it there.  no one to whom i had mentioned this place prior to my visit had any idea about its existence. i had known that it existed, and was somewhere around the castle hill, i even saw an utterly interesting and exciting documentary on spectrum  about the underground and cave system of budapest, which awoke my curiosity. i was lucky enough to write an article about sziklakórház for the magazine, then i even managed to snatch a couple of free tickets to the place. tickets otherwise are rather pricey - 3,600 huf for adults, but half price for under-26s and free entry for teachers - but it's definitely worth the price.

the hospital is located nearby matthias church - so if you're going by bus, that's where you should get off - you have to walk towards the buda-side castle wall (and not towards the fisherman's bastion and the danube),  take the stairs downwards at the end of the street, then turn right, and voila, you'll bump into the entrance. there are 80 minute long english/hungarian guided tours every hour - people are not allowed to enter the hospital without a guide - with helpful and informative guides who by the way speak very good english (or at least the one we had did). the hospital itself is utterly fascinating, it kind of leaves you speechless when you enter, start seeing things and you realize that there was an entire, life-size, functioning and secret hospital established right under the castle of buda, in the belly of the hill. it is as close as you can get to time travel, a truly unique and cool experience. (it is literally cool, as it's about 15 degrees celsius down there, so you'd better take those warm coats they are offering at the entrance - unless you're one of those hot-blooded weirdos like me who are never ever cold and actually enjoy being cold and freezing.)

 if i remember correctly, the hospital was established in the 1930s in preparation for world war ii, was used during the war, then used again during the revolution of 56. they still have the original furniture of the institute, beds, chairs, cabinets, operating rooms and tables, all sorts of machines, gadgets, gas masks, basically everything used in a hospital, and whatnot. (and the sad thing is that the whole interior not at all vaguely reminded me of the current hospital wards and their state.) not to mention, that the souvenir shop sells some of these periodical items - apparently the museum has such an abundance of them. as i mentioned before, the tour was quite long (but not too long) and incredibly interesting, a completely new way to explore budapest and the fascinating history of the city. i don't think we are even able to grasp what lies under the ground in this town - beside the three metro lines everyone knows of. (btw, the website of sziklakórház is also very informative, with lots of fascinating photos, videos and other pieces of archives. it is certainly worth numerous history lessons.)

ps: taking photos at szikakórház was strictly forbidden, hence the lack of photos to accompany this post.
photo credit: all images are via google image.

Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller

...or instead: welcome home, daisy!

isn't it ironic that life hands you exactly what you wanted only when you already settled for the opposite?
my life has yet again taken some completely unexpected and thus surprising turns, and i ended up here, at home in miskolc, just what i yearned for in july. really, who would have thought just a month ago that i would be here now, writing this exact post, trying to get the story straight, explaining that crazy whatnot i've gotten myself into?

so as i mentioned in july, i had decided to stay in budapest, just for the sake of this editor gig i got going at the magazine. and since i could stay at the hostel only until august 31st, i was looking for a flat to rent in the city with two mates of mine. so after looking for something half decent for months, and checking out a few worse than half-decent ones, we finally found something very okay on one friday afternoon in early august; and even left some money for the tenant in advance, just to make sure that he would not rent it to anybody else. we were all ready and excited to move in, and figure out the details of our moving.

then three days later, out of nowhere we heard some completely shocking news at the magazine, concerning our jobs. it turned out, that the head of the company had been planning the complete and utter reorganization of the editorial staff, starting in the very near future, but no dates known for sure, whatsoever. it would mean that 2/3 of the (then) current staff would be let go, the whole editorial system reorganized, and for those remaining, fewer working hours required for less money paid. as i mentioned, this whole thing came out of nowhere, but the really shocking part was not the change itself and the fact that certain (and large number of) people would be fired, but that everything was completely uncertain. nobody knew when this whole reorganization would occur,  when we would be told not to come in and write anymore the next day. the uncertainty was killing us, and most of us started looking for a new job immediately. i felt particularly insecure, since i was the last one who had been hired, worked part time and was still spending my probation time. clearly, i didn't have to be a genius to figure that i would be the very first whom they would let go.

at the same time, at the language school things had also been totally uncertain for months, hardly any new students enrolled, very few lessons to give, no cash flow, and thus no or hardly any salaries paid. we, teachers, had to literally beg for our salaries, and they could only pay in little installments, months overdue. it got to the point that i felt embarrassed and so so awkward when i dared to ask for the money had worked for and thus earned fair and square. obviously, it was going on my nerves. i was going nuts, and ready to quit and leave as soon as the first chance came.

and, in the middle of august, on that wednesday afternoon when i learnt that i would probably be let go from the magazine, the sole reason of my staying in budapest, the chance, the sign, the lemons from life (or should i say lemonade?) did come. my life from september seemed absolutely unclear, especially financially. i knew i had to look for a new job asap, if i wanted to make ends meet, and if i really wanted to move into the flat i had found and pay the rent and all the bills that came with it. but the thing was, i did not want to look for another job, i did not want to spend yet another year in budapest, anxiety-ridden, constantly worrying whether the money i worked so hard for would be enough, or on one fine day i would get evicted due to my inability to pay. (i only wanted the editor job i had already got, but not for much longer.) so what i felt was that it - this whole struggling - just was not worth it. all this worrying, the anxiety, the getting nuts, the rushing, the running, the working, the commuting, it was just not worth it anymore. and thus, i did not want it. it was time for me to leave, to stand up, leave the table, and come home. you know, to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.

and that is exactly what i did. i came home for the long weekend of august 20, and made the ultimate decision of quitting both of my jobs in budapest and returning home. from then on, thank goodness, things went smoothly, even though i had a whole lot affairs that needed settling. first i told my friend that i could not move in with them, because i was leaving the city. luckily by next morning we found somebody who could take my room in the flat. then i quit my job at the language school. they were quite understanding there too, being completely aware of the awful situation the school had been in the previous months. they simply could not have expected me to stay much longer. then, as soon as the editor-in-chief came back from his holiday i told him that i would leave the magazine in a few days. he was also understanding, and agreed with my decision. i guess, he himself won't be staying too much longer, due to all the changing going on there, and the head requiring some other kind of work force and ethic. i also noted my one last private student about my leaving, and thus the countdown began.

 i had one last week in budapest, which i wanted to fill with a lot of going to places, visiting venues, seeing certain spots i had been putting off for god only knows how long. naturally, i wrote a long (and, alas, never ending) list, managed to tick many items off of it, but quite a few items remained unchecked. i guess it means i am bound to go back, and not leave budapest for good, only for now. in the end, august 31st came, the day of my moving home. it all went smooth, my giving last three lessons on friday, getting paperwork done, packing up the remaining unpacked stuff (oh, lord, i have so much stuff.), getting it in the car van, then hitting the road. believe it or not, there was no tear shed upon my rolling out of the city (even though i am the sobbing kind when it comes to leaving places that i had loved). i felt relieved, peaceful, glad, happy, giddy, excited even. i was looking forward to this new stage of my life i was about to embark on in miskolc. i had a smile on my face as we were hitting the highway. i could hardly wait to get home, to arrive home, to settle down. funny thing, a song by edda (the almost-legendary rock band from miskolc) came on the radio just as i caught a glimpse of  the 'welcome to borsod-abaúj-zemplén county' sign on the side of the road. it all meant to be this way, i kept thinking. life had been playing its tricky, witty, ironic game on me all the time (and teaching me major life-lessons in the meantime), but in the end, i did end up where i wanted to. isn't it ironic? don't you think?

and now i am home. somewhat settled, or at least my books are. (you know, the saying is truer than ever: home is where all of my books are.) they were the first things i unpacked and made proper room for, turning bookcases upside down and reorganizing the system just to win two extra shelves. for the first time in weeks (months? years?), i feel calm and relaxed. no stress giving me a headache, no pain in the neck, no days anxiety-ridden. i don't feel the need to worry about anything, even though i don't have a job. (but i do have a job interview tomorrow, and i have applied for a few positions.) i just know that it is going to be alright. because this is meant to be this way. all these pieces are making up the whole picture now. i still feel happy and excited. and  i still have that smile on my face, you know, the satisfied one.

ps: i really meant to write about all those places i visited in my last week in the city, they will probably come in the next posts.