three days of christmas

 i have been meaning to blog, and post a dozen different end-of-the-year, let's-wrap-it-up fun posts. but i have been putting off writing for days, since the 26th at least.

thank you * happy holidays

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dear very few people who come here on a regular basis,

i would like to take this opportunity to say thank you and wish you a merry little christmas.

friday favs: the christmas wishlist edition

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 i know it's waaay past the last minute, but i thought i would put together my christmas wishlist.

so, instead of a belated, monday morning edition of the usual friday favorites, let me present you all the many things i don't need at all, but want anyway. and, as an extra super-duper gift, let me give you a piece of my mind about christmas presents.

you probably know by now that i love winter, snow, christmas, and all things festive in general. however, there's one thing i really don't care about when it comes to christmas: buying presents, getting presents, and giving presents. i think it's absolutely unnecessary fuss. spending all that money (and the time to hunt them down) on products that the gifted person might not even like is just plain pointless, isn't it? so instead i like to make some presents myself, but only for those whom i really feel close to and about whom i know that they'll appreciate my efforts. if i can't come up with the perfect (or close to perfect) gift idea, i won't even bother making or buying it.

random friday thoughts

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it's friday evening, and i should be doing a thousand other things, most of them utterly festive, like kneading gingerbread batter, baking carrot cake, making eggnog, wrapping the presents i haven't even bought yet, writing last-minute christmas cards and listening to the cheesiest, cheeriest christmas music.

but instead i am feeling exhausted, and i am wondering where has all this time gone? when did the pages of the calendar turn to the 21st, and how come there are only two days left until christmas eve? how come i haven't written any of the numerous silly holiday blog posts i've been planning to do for weeks? how come i haven't bought any presents yet (except for the single bottle of perfume i got for my mom; truth be told i never buy them earlier than the 23rd or even 24th of december.), haven't baked the gingerbread cookies yet, taken photos of all the festive prettiness filling the high street of miskolc, or done anything the slightest bit christmasy in the past two weeks? but to be honest, right now i don't care about all of this, any of this. because it doesn't really feel like christmas at all. (so, this song is back, huh?)

25 going on 15

 have you ever loved a book so much that you just wanted to give it enormous bear hugs and hold it close and never let it go?

sunday evening

 

mood: cheerful and festive. i caught a cold though a few days ago, so i have a sore throat, runny nose and caugh a bit.
weather:  foggy, rainy, wet, yuck. hopefully there'll be some fresh snow before/during christmas.

2013 book to movie challenge

the third  challenge i am entering is the book to movie challenge hosted by doing dewey. in this one the idea is to review books and the movies which they've been made into.

back to classics challenge 2013

what does an english major do after graduation? finally reads all the literary classics she never had the time to do so in college.

the 2013 tbr pile challenge

it's that time of the year... when i find myself wandering about what i've been through the year, where i've been, what i've done, seen, experienced, taken photos of, and read. it's that time of the year... when i find myself compiling lists of the best books i read, films i saw or songs i listened to the most. and finally: it's that time of the year, when i find myself thinking of the new year's resolutions i might make, the changes i would like to make, and the challenges i might take.

not so accidentally i came across a few reading-related challenges, and being a devoted bookworm with at least two hundred books (half of which are hard copies whereas the other half are ebooks) in my ever so growing 'to be read' pile, i am way too eager to accept and take part in some of those challenges. just for the sake of reducing that enormous pile. and for my neverending, devoted love of reading. and because i love a challenge just as much as the next girl does.

friday favorites

ladies and gents, please find below the freshest instance of the friday favorites - some of the neat and pretty things that have caught my eyes in the past week. i am an eager little bee this time, and can't resist posting before friday. this week's post is filled with thoughts to ponder, books to pine for, and quotes to be inspired by. 

just the usual bookishness, you know.

enjoy and be inspired.

november reads

since the middle of december is just around the corner, i gather it's high time i did a bit of a recap of the books i read in november. although i have already written about most of them in various posts, it might be a good idea  to gather them in one post, just for the sake of  consistency.

top ten tuesday: top ten new to me authors i read in 2012

as i scrolled through my 2012 reading list, i kept thinking that i cannot possibly come up with a list of ten authors whom i discovered and whose books i enjoyed in the past year. nevertheless, i am going to give it a try.

in my mailbox (8)

this week's post comes late as always again, as i spent the weekend at my dad's and never had the chance or the time to sit down and blog properly. anyway, last week brought no new books in my way, which i am kind of thankful for, as my 'to be read' pile is still massive. there must be at least half a dozen  - if not more - books i am planning to read in december, so no new books in the next three weeks for me either.  

in my mailbox is a weekly meme originally hosted by the story siren, in which book bloggers post about the books they have bought, borrowed or received in the past week. since it began it has become fairly popular, and numerous book blogs post their weekly in my mailbox meme.

what i managed to finish  in the past week: 

• lola and the boy next door by stephanie perkins: as i have mentioned before here, it was quite a disappointment, with way too peculiar character and a predictable (and boring) storyline, and no chemistry between the protagonists. 
• a szent johanna gimi by leiner laura: silly little teenager book, but, to be honest, i liked it enough to read the second volume in  the series (and also: it's been sitting around on my shelf, borrowed from the library, so i might as well read it in a couple of days). 

what i am currently reading:

• a szent johanna gimi by leiner laura: it's predictable and weak on so many different levels, but i often find myself chuckling out loud and enjoying the literary and popcultural recommendations. it brings back fond and hilarious secondary school atmosphere and memories.
• szerelemféltők by ugron zsolna and meskó zsolt: so far i have read about 30 pages only, and can't make heads or tails out of the story yet. 
• skipping christmas by john grisham: i am only about 30 pages in, haven't made up my mind yet. 
• the casual vacancy by j.k. rowling: i haven't made any progress in the past week, should pick it up though before i forget all the many characters and their storylines.

what i would definitely like to read in the coming weeks (apart from finishing the ones i am currently reading):

• finding flow by mihály csíkszentmihályi
• ethan frome by edith wharton
• christmas carol by charles dickens
• the fault in our stars by john green
• the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde
• my life next door by huntley fitzpatrick

what have you been reading lately? do share!

sunday evening

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mood: tired and headache-y, slightly annoyed.
weather: cold and windy. winter is certainly here. no snow though, unfortunately.

friday favorites

ladies and gents, please find below the freshest instance of friday favorites - some of the neat and pretty things that have caught my eyes in the past week. this week's post is filled with some festive delicacies and the usual bookishness. enjoy and be inspired.

top ten tuesday



top ten tuesday is an original feature/weekly meme created and hosted by the broke and the bookish. published every tuesday, the post presents a list of a certain literary theme. being obsessed with both making lists and all things bookish, i have decided to participate. this week's topic focuses on books that we want santa to bring us this year.

in my mailbox (7)

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the last time i wrote an in my mailbox post was this, over two weeks ago. since then i've been trying to read like mad, getting lost in between the lines, gorging on as many words as i possible can.

let it snow

as i've mentioned in the previous post, we had a beautiful blizzard this morning, the first real snowing of the season. i was halfway out of the door with my mom, on our way to the market and then to my grandma's when it started snowing, the big fat flakes hitting the ground (and, alas, melting immediately) in rapid succession.

sunday evening

mood: cheerful with a big fat smile on my face. it's been a long but happy week filled with good news on the job front, enjoying the company of my colleagues, and a beautiful snow blizzard today.

One of my favorite holiday movies

the holiday movie i've seen the most times must be love actually (duhh), and the holiday comes a close second. however, the movie that is most special to me is the shop around the corner.

friday favorites

ladies and gents, please find below the freshest instance of friday favorites - some of the neat and pretty things that have caught my eyes in the past week. this week's post is filled with all sorts of bookish things. enjoy and be inspired.

last week in pics

as i mentioned before last week came and was gone already before i could realize it or catch my breath. i had to work three days only, as i had thursday and friday off, and i enjoyed the long weekend immensely, and filled it with some fun activities.

ms pattigrew leaves for a day

i have been meaning to write this post for at least a week, but life has been quite busy, filled with events, and i never got around doing it earlier. so a couple of weeks ago i hopped on the train, and i was off, on my way to visit the bright lights and the big city.

sunday evening

 

 mood: a bit tired, but very excited about the upcoming holiday season. feeling very festive already.

friday favorites - the sunday evening edition

wow, so it's sunday evening already, is it? and i haven't managed to write a single silly little post the entire week. well, what can i say? i have been quite busy lately, and these past six days have been like a whirlwind, come and gone before i could catch my breath.

in my mailbox (6)

alas, i haven't managed to make much progress with the books i am currently reading, as it's been a busy week workwise.

sunday evening

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 mood: exhausted but cheery. it's been a fun and busy weekend visiting my friends in budapest.

october reads

as it's the middle of the month already, i reckon it's high time i wrote about the books i thumbed through in october. with five chick lit novels and a young adult novel, it was definitely the month of easy reads.

friday favorites

ladies and gents, please find below the freshest instance of friday favorites - some of the neat and pretty things that have caught my eyes in the past week.

in my mailbox (5)

my mailbox  - or rather: harddrive - has been flooded by novels in the past couple of days, so i don't even know where to begin the account of the new additions to my never-ending 'to be read' pile. earlier this week i downloaded adobe's ebook reader software, so i could read the ebooks i have stacked up on my computer in epub format. then on friday when i got my new clever phone, one of the first applications i downloaded was for ebook reading, named aldiko. and since then there's been no stopping me in building my digital library and compiling the books i am going to read in the next 3 or 4 months.

sunday evening

 
mood: shiny, happy, excited.

weather: baby it's cold & dark outside. and smells like winter.

the belated photos

of the aforementioned bag and shoes.

friday favorites - the sunday edition

this week's instance of friday favorites  comes a bit late, as on friday my super duper clever phone was delivered and i was pretty much like the little girl on christmas morning with a brand new barbie  -  my new toy was practically glued to my hand and there was no way i was putting it down.

smart phones | stupid people

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"wow, i have some serious anger management isssues", i kept thinking the other evening once i was calm enough to sit back down and continue the thing i had been doing - right after i broke my already dying, three year old phone into numerous pieces by literally smashing it to the floor with all the force and the raging anger i had in me. the only fault of the phone was its incapability of connecting to the computer via a usb cord. but it was a fault i could neither forgive nor forget. so, when my pulse went back to relatively normal, i signed into t-mobile's webshop and purchased, finally, a smart phone.

happiness is a pair of new shoes and a red-hot handbag

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today i bought a pair of deep rose-colored combat boots and a large handbag in the prettiest shade of dark fuchsia.the boots i really needed as, believe it or not, i did not have a single pair of shoes i could wear in this wet late autumn weather. and the bag? it was a total love at first sight. i was strolling around in the different stores looking for the right pair of boots when i spotted this pretty handbag outshining all of its companions hanging on the display. ah, that perfect shade of fuchsia! and that simple clean-cut style i love so much with the steady shape and the firm handles, without any added glittery kitschy decor. and just the right size to hold all the gazillion things i like to stuff my bags with. plain and simple but clean-cut and ever so stylish, just my thing. my heart skipped a beat, and in that moment i knew i just had to have it.

in my mailbox (4)

similarly to last week, my mailbox has been rather empty this week too, without any new books bought or borrowed from the library. nevertheless, let me share with you what i am reading at the moment:

sunday evening

 

mood: much better than last sunday. in fact, quite cheery and a bit excited.

weather: chilly and bit foggy. winter must be just around the corner.

the battle of the cookies: the pumpkin edition

just as october began, the leaves started turning yellow and the air was all of a sudden chillier, my seasonal admiration of pumpkins arose again. in no time the interwebs was filled with all sorts of autumnish recipes that required pumpin puree, most of which came my way, accompanied by beautiful photos of the pastries. being the same old me, this was yet another band wagon i just had to hop on and ride along with the rest of the blogger crowd. this is how, on one gloomy saturday afternoon, i ended baking three different kinds of pumpkin cookies. because, you know, baking only one kind of cookie on long and lazy saturday afternoons is, apparently, not enough anymore.

friday favorites

ladies and gents, here is this week's instance of friday favorites - some of the neat and pretty things that have caught my eyes in the past week.

happy halloween!

may your night be filled with scary tricks and sweet treats, pretty jack-o-lanterns and rad costumes.

and also: happy weekend!

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

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woohoooo, it did come, it snowed today! the very first snowstorm of the season arrived on october 29! there wasn't much of it in my neck of the woods though, melting immediately after reaching ground.

sunday evening

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mood: not a cheery one. uneasy and anxious, though i am not quite sure what's the reason. 

weather: cold and raining. it really is autumn now. must dig up my winter coat asap.

in my mailbox (3)

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well, this week's in my mailbox is a bit scanty, as i did not buy, borrow, or receive any volumes in the past week. in fact, because i have so many borrowed books stacked up on my shelf, i did not even go to the library in the last few days.

the battle of the cookies: the choc chip edition

since i have moved home i started baking regularly again. naturally, the season being autumn also helps a lot: autumn and winter days always get me in the mood for baking, especially at weekends. on long, lazy saturday afternoons i tend to get this sudden craving to find a not-yet-tried-out recipe, get up from the computer, rush into the kitchen, and bake something truly mouthwatering.

autumn weekend in pictures

as we've had a long weekend in hungary filled with a public holiday and an extra day off, i was happy to spend an entire four days with accomplishing my previously presented autumn goals.

friday favorites

here is this week's instance of friday favorites - some of the neat and pretty things that have caught my eyes in the past week.

rush of productivity

do you ever get the sudden urge to create something? your fingertips start iching and you suddenly feel so creative that you just can't sit still because you gotta get something done, gotta do something crafty and creative. stitch, sew, knit, crochet, cut, glue, paint, draw, colour, bake, knead, dismantle, mix it up, then put it back, just to end up with something pretty and nourishing to your soul?

it's coming! it's coming!

as i was walking home tonight from the cinema with a friend of mine, and my cheeks were rosy from the temperature dropping at least ten degrees so suddenly, i realized that there was something different. there was something in the air. you know what it was? winter, i tell ya, that's what it was!

in my mailbox (2)

in my mailbox is a weekly meme originally hosted by the story siren, in which book bloggers post about the books they have bought, borrowed or received in the past week. since it began it has become fairly popular, and numerous book blogs post their weekly in my mailbox meme. you may not remember but i gave it a try in the very beginning of the year with this post, but then it never became regular. here's my attempt of bringing it back to life. 

friday favorites - the saturday edition

i have decided to start off a weekly post entitled the 'friday favorites' in which i mention all the pretty things - books, songs, movies, tv shows, pieces of clothing, recipes, etc. -  that have caught my eye in the preceding week and left me drooling. here's the first instance.

for the love of autumn

"don't you love new york in the fall? it makes me wanna buy school supplies. i would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if i knew your name and address."

 if you don't know where that quote came from you should be ashamed of yourself watch this very movie asap. alas, i don't belong to those lucky who get to spend the fall in new york, but still, the season is quite pretty in my neck of the woods as well.

september in pictures

i do realize that not only september ended, but we are past mid october too, and yet here i am coming up with september in pictures.  but you know, as always, time got the better of me. and better late than never, right? (i guess we can check off today's cliches with that.) anyhow, here's what i was up to in september:

september reads

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it's been long since i last wrote about the books i read,  let alone came up with a proper review. however, if you follow or every once in a while check out the reading list page, you do know that i am still, indeed, reading. there are periods when i find enough time to get lost in between the lines of as many as eight or ten novels per month; however, at other months, i read no more than three volumes. nevertheless, i am trying to keep up with the reading challenge, and thus read at least one volume per week. let's see what september brought me bookwise.

rolling on the river

one last budapest thing  i wanted to write about is the recently revived and restarted bkv boat service.
one of the things i like the most about budapest is the fact that a river runs through it, thus making it even more special and  beautiful with all the many bridges connecting the two distinct sides of the city, buda and pest. it's truly captivating, isn't it? i mean can you even imagine budapest without a river? with no pretty bridges connecting the banks? and has it ever occurred to you that all the decent cities have rivers running through them? london. paris. prague. new york. and have i mentioned that whenever i am walking around erzsébet-híd the view and the entire atmosphere of the spot always always reminds me of london? and it always pops into my head that there definitely should be a budapest eye on the other side of the river. great idea, eh? maybe not very original, but still, a nice one, isn't it?

hitting the nail right on the head

oh, wow, this article (about moving back into your parents' house after having lived away while attending college) was written just for me, only for me, even could have been written by me. it has my name written all over it, that's for sure. yep, i have taken up (again) knitting. will make wonderful christmas presents.

the dog days are here and here to stay (?)

brace yourself for the friday afternoon rant on all of my bad life choices and my current state of utter patheticness which goes as follows:

“Why the hell are we conditioned into the smooth strawberry-and-cream Mother-Goose-world, Alice-in-Wonderland fable, only to be broken on the wheel as we grow older and become aware of ourselves as individuals with a dull responsibility in life?” Sylvia Plath

i never used to understand the true meaning of this thought.
alas, i get it now, but i really wish i didn't.

children on duty

right after exploring the former pioneers' camp of csillebérc, i walked over to the station of the children's railway. well, without a break whatsoever, the walk down on memory lane continued as i purchased my ticket, hopped on one of the carriages of the charming little train, then rode through the hills of buda. i was still completely  mesmerized by the remains of the service of a formal era.

though with some adult supervision, as its name suggests, the children's railway is operated by 10-14 year old children, who, prior to entering service, go through notable training, are obliged to take and pass exams, and thus take their jobs rather seriously. after all, this is quite a serious - but nevertheless so much fun! - game. you would have to be practically blind not to notice how much these children enjoy and admire being railroaders, and hence take not only the rules and their duties seriously, but they are also completely sure of their very own importance in the system. (which, by the way is very cute, even though a few of the boys seemed quite obnoxious. i guess a bit too much power went into their heads.) still, the thin little (about) twelve year old girl who validated my ticket was awfully cute with her disheveled hair, stick-thin legs, dusty white stocking, and uniform two sizes too large. although at times a bit insecure and forgotten of her role, it was so obvious that she was completely in love with her job. the ride itself to hűvösvölgy was fun too, with all the soc-real style stations, the unmistakable scent of the old trains, and the sound of pounding under feet as we rode through the chilly and ever so green woods of the buda hills.

walking down on other people's memory lane

another thing i wanted to try out before leaving budapest was the children's railway among the rolling hills of buda. i can't quite remember where the original idea came from, but i know i wrote about the rise of popularity of children's railway in the magazine, and thought it was something quite unique and worth trying out. and boy, was i right!

up against the wall on a tuesday morning

i knew there would be days like this. when nothing went well, when things got worse by the hour, and the worst was yet to come. when there was no more procrastination, putting things off with just one more day, and i had to hand myself over to the bloody hungarian bureaucracy. when i would be humiliated and mortified, broken to pieces, and felt like the stinkiest piece of shit. when it hit me again that attending university, taking courses for another four years was the most pointless thing i could ever have done.

was i actually worth more by that bloody certificate? did i deserve better by it? did i earn anything with it? most certainly not. then what did i get out of it, apart from those few hundred books, second hand paperbacks with cracked spines and dog-ears? i was only more aware of my worthlessness. it did not make me more valuable, only more aware the lack thereof. it only put the ideas in my head, but never the strength to execute them. it felt like just an enormous waste of time, and a humongous waste of money. it made me boastful, opinionated and stuck-up, planted the feeling of superiority in me. the sense of being too high minded, too sharp, too clever, too wise, too educated for certain small-minded, inferior things. being better among the good, and differentiating among the identical. planted the idea of intellectualism and dreaming big, going far, but it never gave me the force to take the extra mile. never presented the chances i would have been too dull to take anyway.

i knew there would be days like this, when everything went wrong. when i felt like crap. when the humiliation and the injustice that was inflicted on me awoke the deepest anger, the starkest wrath, the most intense rage, the furiest of all furies in me. when i felt like smoking an entire pack of cigarettes, but didn't even manage to go through one, cause i hated the taste of it, and it made me feel nauseous. when i felt like shouting and screaming, crushing things and hitting the wall with clenched fist, hoping for broken bones and physical pain, but only tears were bubbling from the corner of my eye and fury was shaking my shoulders.

i knew there would be days like this. when my stomach turned into one giant rock, my chest was cracking under the weight, soul breaking into a million little pieces. when i would take tranquilizers three times a day to make the rock less massive and the sharp, broken pieces less painful. so is it how my days gonna be the rest of my life? ricocheting between an anxiety-ridden, distressed mind and a somewhat senseless and dead-pan state, numbed by tranquilizers?

i knew there would be days like this, going under water, not getting any air, chocking, suffocating, crushing under the distress and the pressure. but i really hoped these days would never come.

going under the ground

as i wanted to make my last week in budapest really count, and i had this long 'must see' list written up, i organized a rather busy and eventful last weekend - to take a complete advantage of the two whole free days i had on my hands. saturday afternoon i met a friend of mine, and we decided to hit and discover some of those parts of the under ground system of the city that we had not seen before.

the first stop was at deák square where the bkv museum is located - it is right next to the entrance of the metro (if you are coming from the final stop of trams 47-49). i would not say that it is a humongous museum with a whole lot to offer and entertainment for a whole afternoon, but it is definitely worth a visit, whether you live in the city or just visiting for a couple of days, especially since the tickets are surprisingly low, around 260 huf for students, and just over 300 huf for adults. the museum basically introduces the birth and construction of the underground railway system of budapest - you know, how the kis földalatti was laid out, built, then modified and rebuilt. there are numerous memorabilia exhibited, tickets, schedules, construction plans, advertisements, signs, posters, notifications, photos and pictures of the early stations and metro cars.

there are also actual metro cars and a cashier booth of the period exhibited as well, you know, with quite a different exterior design and wooden interiors, with dressed up wax dummies, and the advertisements of the period still on the interiors of the metro cars. when we were visiting, there was also another exhibition going on (it is still on until september 15) - the historical posters and notifications of bkv were also put out - you know, some of them were reprinted recently and placed on some of the vehicles of bkv. they were the ones advising against knitting, eating lángos or other stinky food on the buses. most of these posters were interesting, some really funny, they are real art pieces, for sure. all in all, bkv museum is definitely worth checking out, especially if you are waiting around for somebody in the area and don't know how to spend that free half an hour you have. by the way, bkv is also selling its old, not-used-anymore signs, bus plates, or whatever they are called, you know the signs they put by the windshield of the vehicle which show the destination of the bus or tram. they are surprisingly cheap (under a thousand huf), and there are still such curiosities as moszka tér signs.

the next place we visited was sziklakórház, the 'hospital in the rock' as they called it there.  no one to whom i had mentioned this place prior to my visit had any idea about its existence. i had known that it existed, and was somewhere around the castle hill, i even saw an utterly interesting and exciting documentary on spectrum  about the underground and cave system of budapest, which awoke my curiosity. i was lucky enough to write an article about sziklakórház for the magazine, then i even managed to snatch a couple of free tickets to the place. tickets otherwise are rather pricey - 3,600 huf for adults, but half price for under-26s and free entry for teachers - but it's definitely worth the price.

the hospital is located nearby matthias church - so if you're going by bus, that's where you should get off - you have to walk towards the buda-side castle wall (and not towards the fisherman's bastion and the danube),  take the stairs downwards at the end of the street, then turn right, and voila, you'll bump into the entrance. there are 80 minute long english/hungarian guided tours every hour - people are not allowed to enter the hospital without a guide - with helpful and informative guides who by the way speak very good english (or at least the one we had did). the hospital itself is utterly fascinating, it kind of leaves you speechless when you enter, start seeing things and you realize that there was an entire, life-size, functioning and secret hospital established right under the castle of buda, in the belly of the hill. it is as close as you can get to time travel, a truly unique and cool experience. (it is literally cool, as it's about 15 degrees celsius down there, so you'd better take those warm coats they are offering at the entrance - unless you're one of those hot-blooded weirdos like me who are never ever cold and actually enjoy being cold and freezing.)

 if i remember correctly, the hospital was established in the 1930s in preparation for world war ii, was used during the war, then used again during the revolution of 56. they still have the original furniture of the institute, beds, chairs, cabinets, operating rooms and tables, all sorts of machines, gadgets, gas masks, basically everything used in a hospital, and whatnot. (and the sad thing is that the whole interior not at all vaguely reminded me of the current hospital wards and their state.) not to mention, that the souvenir shop sells some of these periodical items - apparently the museum has such an abundance of them. as i mentioned before, the tour was quite long (but not too long) and incredibly interesting, a completely new way to explore budapest and the fascinating history of the city. i don't think we are even able to grasp what lies under the ground in this town - beside the three metro lines everyone knows of. (btw, the website of sziklakórház is also very informative, with lots of fascinating photos, videos and other pieces of archives. it is certainly worth numerous history lessons.)

ps: taking photos at szikakórház was strictly forbidden, hence the lack of photos to accompany this post.
photo credit: all images are via google image.

Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller

...or instead: welcome home, daisy!

isn't it ironic that life hands you exactly what you wanted only when you already settled for the opposite?
my life has yet again taken some completely unexpected and thus surprising turns, and i ended up here, at home in miskolc, just what i yearned for in july. really, who would have thought just a month ago that i would be here now, writing this exact post, trying to get the story straight, explaining that crazy whatnot i've gotten myself into?

so as i mentioned in july, i had decided to stay in budapest, just for the sake of this editor gig i got going at the magazine. and since i could stay at the hostel only until august 31st, i was looking for a flat to rent in the city with two mates of mine. so after looking for something half decent for months, and checking out a few worse than half-decent ones, we finally found something very okay on one friday afternoon in early august; and even left some money for the tenant in advance, just to make sure that he would not rent it to anybody else. we were all ready and excited to move in, and figure out the details of our moving.

then three days later, out of nowhere we heard some completely shocking news at the magazine, concerning our jobs. it turned out, that the head of the company had been planning the complete and utter reorganization of the editorial staff, starting in the very near future, but no dates known for sure, whatsoever. it would mean that 2/3 of the (then) current staff would be let go, the whole editorial system reorganized, and for those remaining, fewer working hours required for less money paid. as i mentioned, this whole thing came out of nowhere, but the really shocking part was not the change itself and the fact that certain (and large number of) people would be fired, but that everything was completely uncertain. nobody knew when this whole reorganization would occur,  when we would be told not to come in and write anymore the next day. the uncertainty was killing us, and most of us started looking for a new job immediately. i felt particularly insecure, since i was the last one who had been hired, worked part time and was still spending my probation time. clearly, i didn't have to be a genius to figure that i would be the very first whom they would let go.

at the same time, at the language school things had also been totally uncertain for months, hardly any new students enrolled, very few lessons to give, no cash flow, and thus no or hardly any salaries paid. we, teachers, had to literally beg for our salaries, and they could only pay in little installments, months overdue. it got to the point that i felt embarrassed and so so awkward when i dared to ask for the money had worked for and thus earned fair and square. obviously, it was going on my nerves. i was going nuts, and ready to quit and leave as soon as the first chance came.

and, in the middle of august, on that wednesday afternoon when i learnt that i would probably be let go from the magazine, the sole reason of my staying in budapest, the chance, the sign, the lemons from life (or should i say lemonade?) did come. my life from september seemed absolutely unclear, especially financially. i knew i had to look for a new job asap, if i wanted to make ends meet, and if i really wanted to move into the flat i had found and pay the rent and all the bills that came with it. but the thing was, i did not want to look for another job, i did not want to spend yet another year in budapest, anxiety-ridden, constantly worrying whether the money i worked so hard for would be enough, or on one fine day i would get evicted due to my inability to pay. (i only wanted the editor job i had already got, but not for much longer.) so what i felt was that it - this whole struggling - just was not worth it. all this worrying, the anxiety, the getting nuts, the rushing, the running, the working, the commuting, it was just not worth it anymore. and thus, i did not want it. it was time for me to leave, to stand up, leave the table, and come home. you know, to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.

and that is exactly what i did. i came home for the long weekend of august 20, and made the ultimate decision of quitting both of my jobs in budapest and returning home. from then on, thank goodness, things went smoothly, even though i had a whole lot affairs that needed settling. first i told my friend that i could not move in with them, because i was leaving the city. luckily by next morning we found somebody who could take my room in the flat. then i quit my job at the language school. they were quite understanding there too, being completely aware of the awful situation the school had been in the previous months. they simply could not have expected me to stay much longer. then, as soon as the editor-in-chief came back from his holiday i told him that i would leave the magazine in a few days. he was also understanding, and agreed with my decision. i guess, he himself won't be staying too much longer, due to all the changing going on there, and the head requiring some other kind of work force and ethic. i also noted my one last private student about my leaving, and thus the countdown began.

 i had one last week in budapest, which i wanted to fill with a lot of going to places, visiting venues, seeing certain spots i had been putting off for god only knows how long. naturally, i wrote a long (and, alas, never ending) list, managed to tick many items off of it, but quite a few items remained unchecked. i guess it means i am bound to go back, and not leave budapest for good, only for now. in the end, august 31st came, the day of my moving home. it all went smooth, my giving last three lessons on friday, getting paperwork done, packing up the remaining unpacked stuff (oh, lord, i have so much stuff.), getting it in the car van, then hitting the road. believe it or not, there was no tear shed upon my rolling out of the city (even though i am the sobbing kind when it comes to leaving places that i had loved). i felt relieved, peaceful, glad, happy, giddy, excited even. i was looking forward to this new stage of my life i was about to embark on in miskolc. i had a smile on my face as we were hitting the highway. i could hardly wait to get home, to arrive home, to settle down. funny thing, a song by edda (the almost-legendary rock band from miskolc) came on the radio just as i caught a glimpse of  the 'welcome to borsod-abaúj-zemplén county' sign on the side of the road. it all meant to be this way, i kept thinking. life had been playing its tricky, witty, ironic game on me all the time (and teaching me major life-lessons in the meantime), but in the end, i did end up where i wanted to. isn't it ironic? don't you think?

and now i am home. somewhat settled, or at least my books are. (you know, the saying is truer than ever: home is where all of my books are.) they were the first things i unpacked and made proper room for, turning bookcases upside down and reorganizing the system just to win two extra shelves. for the first time in weeks (months? years?), i feel calm and relaxed. no stress giving me a headache, no pain in the neck, no days anxiety-ridden. i don't feel the need to worry about anything, even though i don't have a job. (but i do have a job interview tomorrow, and i have applied for a few positions.) i just know that it is going to be alright. because this is meant to be this way. all these pieces are making up the whole picture now. i still feel happy and excited. and  i still have that smile on my face, you know, the satisfied one.

ps: i really meant to write about all those places i visited in my last week in the city, they will probably come in the next posts.

home, thou art the sweeteth

i am home.
i can't believe i have actually arrived. really really arrived, and i am here to stay this time.
i am finally at peace.
i have arrived. i have arrived. i have arrived.
all my books are in one place.
finally.

Let the Games Begin

last weekend, as i was wandering around in my grandma's garden looking for photo subjects and shooting random objects, it somehow occurred to me that i should do another round of project 365. then, when i was uploading and editing the previously snapped photos, i still could not get the idea out of my head; in fact, it stuck with me all week long. i'd realized that i had been getting lazier, and not doing anything apart from going to work, getting the work done, coming home, and spending the rest of my days avoiding reality by immersing between the lines of novels or scrolling down my endless tumblr dashboard and watching tv show reruns. it is all kinda okay-ish (?) (sad? pathetic?), but let's be honest, very passive.

 i knew i needed something to perk my creativity with, something that would awaken my curiosity, make me take that extra mile, and kick me out of my comfort zone every once in a while. in 2010 project 365 did exactly that, and i loved (almost) every minute of it. of course, every once in a while the whole thing got a bit too demanding, and by the end i got tired and felt relieved when it was over. still, i don't regret a single moment of it, because i got to see the world from a completely new perspective, i went to places i would never have gone otherwise, while i also sort of connected with people. it made me happy. not to mention that it was something i did every single day for an entire year. and i made visible progress photography wise too.

i've realized i need to do something similar to that, or, possibly, the same thing again. i played with the thought of doing it again, accounted all the pros and cons. i knew it would be awfully demanding. i would probably end up dedicating most of my days to photography, looking for the right moment, the right scene, the right shot, the right editing. there would be bad days, awful days, empty days, when nothing happens, and i could only take lousy photos not worth uploading to the net, but i would have to, nevertheless. but then again, there's the good side, my rediscovering the city, going to places i have been way too lazy to go, strolling around on random streets, wandering into strange buildings, attending fun events, photographing unknown people, finding the beauty in the details. it would help me count down the days of my last year in budapest. it could color the days, it could make the year count. 

in the end, on thursday i decided to give it a go. i loved the idea of it, but not so much the actual shooting/editing/uploading part. i didn't feel like starting it just yet, i wanted to postpone the thing (until when?). it's hard to come over my laziness, hard to shake up my numb mind, and wake up my long asleep creativity. nevertheless, with one lousy, painful shot i kicked off the project on friday, the opening day of the 2012 olympic games. needless to say, my project has nothing to do with the olympics, yet, finding an olympics-related subject on the opening day of the games and the first day of my project felt like a good omen. 

naturally, i still have doubts. about being able to find interesting subjects every day, repeating myself and coming up with the same shots i did two years ago, having enough time for the whole thing. i especially have doubts about doing it (or doing anything for that matter) every day for an entire year, again. nevertheless, i try. it may bring good things to me. i may bring good things to others. we will see. 

so, the games have already started, and i also started uploading the photos to a facebook album. mind you, facebook's photo uploading/viewing application is really crappy, and the quality of the photos visibly deteriorate upon uploading. i am going to post the photos to my tumblr blog as well (where the quality remains the same), along with other pictures i find worth publishing. 

let's hope this new adventure will be worth embarking on.

isn't it ironic?

as i've mentioned in the previous post, i'm at my grandma's for the weekend (even though it's monday evening, it feels like saturday), and i have this comforting, nostalgic feeling taking over me. the atmosphere is pretty much the same as it was a year ago, when i was about to make that awfully difficult decision, and i had no idea what to do next. what's been on my mind in the past few weeks (months, even?) is that i am in the same situation exactly a year later, when i don't know whether  i should follow my heart or reason (or somewhere in between), except it's the other way around than a year ago. this time i am eager to leave budapest behind, but it just would not make any sense.

so i reread those two long, utterly whining, stream of consciousness posts (this written exactly a year ago, and this from last august), and i can't help but wonder how ironic this crazy little thing called life is. and also, i cannot get that great 90's song, alanis morrissette's ironic out of my head. so if you don't remember (after all, why should you?) and can't care to reread those two utterly long but otherwise outstanding pieces of writing which clearly show what a great writer/genius i am (yet again, why should you?), then here is a bit of recap from last year's episode of the never ending drama of my life, a.k.a. growing pains of a scriboholic (working title)/ scenes from the house of quarter life panic (working title-runner up). 

so, back then, circa one year ago, after i'd learnt that i wasn't accepted to grad school and lost my room bed at the dorm i had been living at the previous four years, and thus became pretty much homeless in budapest, i had no idea what to do. i was glad to be finally out and rid of the glorious system of hungarian higher education, and even gladder with this enormous freedom i had, all of sudden, on my hands. but, as i learnt, freedom comes with a great deal of uncertainty, insecurity, and, in my case, anxiety as well (who would have thought?). anyhow, i had that lousy job at the language school (alas, i still do), which sentimental former me did not want to leave back then, but it wasn't enough (it is still not enough, in fact less enough) for me to rent a room. the sensible decision was to move home to miskolc, back to the nest, safe and sound under my mama's wings, and settle for a much less fun, entertaining, and culture-filled but way more secure life (or at least that's what i believed back then). then there was this other, much more entertaining, fun, friends- and culture-filled life i already had in budapest, which i admired with every fiber of my body and which i wasn't ready to leave at all.

so, in the end, i followed my heart, decided to stick it out with budapest. i chose the road less travelled by (it is? did i? still, nice allusion, isn't it? shows i've got the highest of all high educations, doesn't it?), i chose to struggle, and, in the end, i made it through (no madonna quotes today, sorry). once my accomodation was sorted, a mate of mine told me that whatever i want, i always find a way to get it. back then, i was surprised to hear it, but then, as i gave it a bit more thought, it occured to me that he was actually right, and now i am really grateful to him for pointing it out. because that is exactly what my mama always says to me, life was like a box of choco whatever i get in my head, i can always achieve it in the end. if the will is strong enough, somehow, i always manage to find a way in the end. i just have to want it strong enough. so now, whenever i am struggling, or feel like losing and throwing back those bloody, ever so yellow lemons in life's sour face, i just keep muttering under my nose, i will find a way, i will find a way, i will find a way.

in the end, i found a way, and stayed in budapest. but in this past eleven months quite a few things happenend, and i just cannot get that line from the perks of being a wallflower out of my head, "things change and friends leave and life doesn't stop for anybody". things have, indeed, changed, friends have left (or vica versa), and life just keeps rolling on. and so am i. you know, like a rolling stone. i have become fed up with budapest. i just can't see its beauty any more. i don't roam the streets, and don't take the thousand pretty photos of the million little beautiful spots. maybe it's just because it's summer and i loath, i mean l-o-a-t-h summer in the city. i literally cannot breath there. i feel like there is not enough oxygen in the air to fill my lungs. all i feel is filthy smog filling my lungs as i am waiting for the bus at astoria. i am sick of people. sick of commuting at least two and a half hours every day. sick of bkv buses, metros, people, all those bloody, filthy, stinky people.

 i miss trees. i miss the woods. i miss green. i miss grass, let alone sitting on grass. i can hardly wait for friday evenings to be done with budapest, to be able to hop on the train, to come home, and breath. i am sick of travelling, back and forth between budapest and miskolc. paying all that money (you sooo don't want to know how much i have to pay for bloody tickets for trains 30 years old, filthy and stinky and always late), the constant packing and unpacking, rushing from place to place, dragging that big black massive suitcase behind me. it feels like i am dragging my life after me, always going uphill in dead wind, and the road is filled with potholes. i feel like budapest is eating me alive, and i really don't feel like biting back. in fact, i feel like moving on.

i miss my home. i want to settle down. i want a stable home. i want all my stuff to be in one place. especially all my books. i want to take my pretty little typewriter out and enjoy the clickety-clack sound as i hit the keys.  i want to be close to my family. see my sister growing up. see my grandma growing old. get close to my brother. i want to live closer to nature. i want to be able to go to the forest. go hiking. go swimming. hop on a bike and ride around. i want to live in a village. i want to be a village girl. gardening. grow my own strawberries or peaches. teach in a primary school. i want to try myself out as a small town primary school teacher. i want peace and quite and small town living. i want to get to know my roots. i want to go back to basics. i am fed up with always being on the go. i want stability. i want time to sit, breath, contemplate, and write. i am fed up with rushing. i am fed up with not being able to breath.

i don't want to be this grumpy sour annoying bitch with a stick in her butt which i have been in the last few months. i want to be content and balanced. i don't just want to read in order to avoid life. i want to enjoy both life and the pages. so this is why i have made a decision. i am staying one more year in budapest, but then i am off, moving back home. the sole reason of my staying is the journalism/editor gig i've got going. now, that i've managed to get a spot on the magazine, i don't want to throw this good chance away after so few months. it would be really silly, even if i am not building a career, in fact, i don't give a damn about it. but i figure, it's a good place go gain some experience at, to have another line i can put into my resume, not to mention that i can learn a thing or two while writing for four hours every day.

one thing i have already learnt is that writers' block is a fine piece of bullshit. there's no such thing as writers' block. lazy writers came up with a term to have an 'official' excuse for procrastinating. you simply sit down, and write. because writing is nothing but work and discipline. to get better, you need a hell of a lot of exercise. there's no  trick to it, you simply have to write. the more you practice, the better you get. if you have to write something, you simply have to sit down, stop bitching about, and get to work. the first few sentences might be lame, but then, as you warm up, you will get better. period.

anyway, i am spending this one last year in budapest. i am looking for a flat to rent from september 1st with two mates of mine, as there's no way i can stay in the dorm for another year (and i don't want to stay anyway). i often find myself counting down the days, even though i am not sure where i should start counting from? should i start in september? but that would mean i have more than one year left, and that would seem awfully long. i like to think i already started counting in june. because i cannot bear another summer in the city. deep in my heart, i do know that i should stop counting the days, and, instead, i should make this last year count. but that just seems quite difficult now. 

anyhow, reflecting on those two posts from one year ago, life is, indeed, as ironic, as it can get. it's one year later, i am still living in the dorm, but again, about to move out and move on with my life. and, as it turns out, i am sticking with mark twain, when it comes to post-university setting-my-foot-in-adult-life decisions. i have found work for myself, even though it's not the hard labor kind, i do work a lot, and have two jobs, in fact. i am meeting a bunch of people, forever rushing, roaming, facing, aching, hurting, reading, noting, writing, and gaining some serious experience out there in that crazy little thing called life.

 i was going to write that the hitting-the-road part has to still wait a bit longer, but then it occurred to me that i have, actually, been on the road since i was 18. i only got a bit stuck at this current station, but i am already getting ready, sorting my things, getting rid of the redundant items, stuffing my backpack, almost ready to move on. because shorty, i shall be off, on the road again.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

source

...at least in my neck of the woods, and i am lovin' it. 
i am home for the weekend, for a long weekend, as a matter of fact, as i managed to snatch two (and a half) days off work, so i don't have to go back to the (currently) loathed budapest until wednesday morning.
i am at my grandma's for a couple of days, enjoying the chilly weather - i am actually wearing SOCKS and a CARDIGAN while all the windows and the door are closed. nice, isn't it? i simply admire chilly, autumn-ish weather, especially when it comes in the middle of summer. i can hardly wait for the actual autumn to arrive.

anyway, i am playing countryside living for a few days, and i have this comforting, nostalgic feeling. i remember being here (almost) exactly a year ago, the weather was sort of cold and greyish back then as well, i was reading the friday night lights book and franny & zooey, i had just learnt that i wasn't accepted to elte to do my ma studies, and i did not know what to do next. i was aching, and suffering, and shitting my pants while making one of the hardest decisions of my life. and now it's a year later, and this has passed too. i made it through the wilderness, somehow i made it through (i do hope you noticed that i have just quoted a madonna song). i found a way,  because there was a will. i feel like i should do a proper retrospective/comparative post.

but not today. now i'm going to make a cup of tea, crawl under a thick blanket, get back to my agatha christie book, get lost in between the lines, and go back avoiding life completely.