The Word of My Life

 I do not know what's going on with me, but an utter and incurable wanderlust has taken over me. Especially today. I cannot seem to be able to sit still on my butt, but I want go go go, and travel the world. 

Naturally I can't, since:

a, I have no money 

b, I have to study for the state exam & graduate. 

Unfortunaly, to me, a, is much more important than b,. Should I have some extra money, I would happily throw all my notes, textbooks, prospects, and plans away, ditch all exams, and take off.

I just want to go go go, hit the road like Jack did, carpe diem and all that crap, get lost in the moment, and not care about tomorrow. 

First I would most certainly go to the States, 'cause I have been dying to go there since secondary school. And my longing is just getting worse and worse, and it is starting to get out of my hands. 

Then, after a cross-country roadtrip and taking six gazillion photos, I would buy a planeticket to Hawaii. I would say Aloha! to a few people, walk around a bit on the sandy beach, read a couple of my silly little paperbacks, get a nice tan, take another six gazillion photos, then pop over to Australia. Now, there I would settle down for a month or two, bring my Australian accent to perfection, work in a tiny bookshop/coffeeshop combo, and learn to surf in the meantime. Maybe I would even write a book about all of my terrific and very adventurous adventures. Naturally, it would be an instant classic, and I would top all the big bookseller charts. It would provide me with enough money to travel, write, and enjoy the sunny days for the rest of my life.

But then I should propably also do a Gilmore Girls-style backpacking-around-Europe-and-sleeping-in-stinky-student-hostels tour too. Sounds fun, doesn't it? Now that would be the real just-out-of-college-I-am-still-young-I-can-do-anything-I-can-be-anything-I-want-to-be experience. 

Such a shame life isn't a box of chocolates, and neither does it resemble to Gilmore Girls. 

And, I am afraid, I cannot even make it resemble.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

But I can't, I can't I can't.

What's worse, that it seems like I am the only one around who can't. I am the only one around who has to sit on her butt, pretending to be patient and having fun preparing for finals.

Cause it seems like all of my friends, everyone I know is constantly dashing off to a million wonderful places like shooting stars*, following their dreams, living up to their expectations and aspirations, winning scholarships here and there, seizing their days, travelling around  the world, and carping the hell out of diem.

And I am green with envy and yellow with jealousy (see, how colorful person I am?!), because I want to be in their shoes.

I feel utterly and completely stuck, like my shoes are glued to the concrete of Budapest with a dozen tubes of superglue, and so are my feet to my shoes, and there's no way out, I am stuck forever, because the superglue is extra-super strong and extra-super-long lasting, and it will never let me go. Don't get me wrong, I still adore Budapest, it is still the love of my life. But there is a whole new world out there, you know. A pretty amazing one that is waiting just for me to explore it. 

But probably not now. 

Maybe I am not ready for the exploration. Yet.

So I guess, all I can do today is (pretend) to be patient, and hope that my wandering days are going to come too, just not now, but some time later. 

I just have to be patient.

And to feed my wanderlust, I can look at pretty and insiring pictures like these:

So who's coming with me?

*It's a quote by someone, but I can't find it, argh... someone, please put me out of my misery and tell me who it is by. Is it Kerouac? Or is it Plath? It may not be the exact quote. But the words "dashing," "wonderful places," and "shooting stars" are in it. Am I making it up?